I know this may be a bit premature, but… marriage. Yes, that is the topic of this rant. Of all of the things we could decide to talk about in the pharmacy on a Friday night, and this is the topic we settle on. Random? Probably, but interesting, nonetheless. Helped make a slow night go by quicker.
There’s a girl in my pharmacy that is fiercely religious. Christian—but a good one. She’s not a Sunday Christian, and she’s not forcing everyone around her to her beliefs. She’s sane. She truly believes and follows the Bible and its teachings, and I can’t hate her for that. In a world of hypocrisy, it’s nice to find someone who’s genuine. Kind of sucks that she’s the only Christian in my pharmacy, though. That’s something she’s not used to, at all, and she can’t comprehend why none of the rest of us follow the Christian religion, even vaguely. We have one girl who’s Buddhist, two that don’t give a damn (ahem), and the boys… God knows what faith they follow.
So, being that she’s never been confronted with so many non-Christians, she likes to seek our opinions on things that are normal in her world. Friday night’s discussion was on, like I said, marriage. I can’t remember how in the world the topic was initially brought up, but I know the debate started when she turned to me and asked me if I ever wanted to get married.
Right now? No. I have no intention of ever getting married. Period. But I won’t say I never will because I can’t know that. Someone might come around and change my mind. But, for now, my answer is marriage is not for me. That kind of shocked her a bit.
We went on to discuss the many reasons why I never wanted to get married, our fellow technician and pharmacist jumping in from time to time. It’s too expensive—at least, that was one of our reasons until our pharmacists gently reminded us that a lavish ceremony isn’t necessary—it’s more of a religious thing, it’s become corrupted for different reasons, et cetera.
The one reason I gave that she latched on to was, “I don’t need a piece of paper to prove that I love someone.” She reasoned that that was just an excuse for an insecure person, which I can understand her reasoning. It is an easy situation to get out of if things turn sour; there’s no need for me to fight for my relationship because I have no legal repercussions to face should I choose to dissolve it. Legit. But there’s still the emotional side to tackle.
If I love someone enough, yes, I will fight for that relationship. I’m loyal by nature—cynical, but I eventually learn to trust. Life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows, I get that. I embrace it. I look forward to it because, seriously, sunshine and rainbows grow boring after a while. I like a little thunder and lightning to stir things up a bit. There are some things that I won’t be able to forget (or forgive, for that matter), but if I’m committed enough, I know I can find some way to work beyond it. And, God knows, I’m not perfect, either. It’s a two-way road.
But then she asked me a question I wasn’t able to answer last night because I really didn’t have an answer to give. She asked, “What if you found a guy who loved you, but he wanted marriage? Would you marry him?” The first thing that popped into my head then was compromise, but I knew that wasn’t entirely fair, so I kept it to myself. For some reason, the question kept bugging me throughout today.
If I was with a man who claimed to love me, he would know about my aversion to marry. He would have to accept it as fact and be okay with it. If he gave me an ultimatum of basically marriage or nothing, honestly, I would choose nothing. Call me selfish, but you can’t force me into a situation I don’t want. If he did accept me for who I was—no desire to marry and all—and I was aware of his want for marriage, I may consider it. He could potentially change my mind. In a way, it would be a compromise. He’s willing to just be with me with no hope of marriage, continuing on as life partners or whatever you want to call it, and all I would want to do is make him happy; if marriage would do that, I would be willing to ponder it.
In the end, she said she’d laugh if I ever got married, but that she’d respect my decision if I didn’t. *shrugs* That’s all I can ask for from a friend. You don’t have to understand, just accept it.